need another drink. this is the easiest way
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
