We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
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All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
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I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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