I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm eating all of the evidence.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
