Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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