is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
