My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
