You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
