Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i will never coherently bang her
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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