I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
