Im at strip club and am horny
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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