Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
this hospital has no fireball
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
