she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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