Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
PANTIES FOUND
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize