i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I party with great urgency now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
