Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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