Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
