maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize