Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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