just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
