After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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