so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Two words: blizzard sex
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
