Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
this hospital has no fireball
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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