dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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