Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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