areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
