did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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