We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
