this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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