I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
the liver wants what the liver wants
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize