Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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