if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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