He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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