First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
