my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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