When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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