I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
