just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
