I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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