I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
