he wants to bone in the snuggie
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
