i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she woke up with a sticky ear
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
