This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
