i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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