He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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