Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
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I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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