New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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