Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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