Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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