thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
