i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
