she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
