M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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