DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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