im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
