Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
