I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
