I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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