I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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