At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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