"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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