I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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