i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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