Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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